Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Fucking Customers!

WTF? I notice that my Amazon feedback rating took a hit today. Wondering why, I clicked in to see what horrific acts of fraud I had perpetrated on my unsuspecting clientele....what do I find? A fucking cassette tape (yes, a cassette tape, one that is about 2 decades old) didn't play up to their satisfaction. Did the customer contact us about the issue? No, of course not, it's so much easier to must leave a bad rating with Amazon. They paid 40 fucking cents for the tape. It doesn't play well, according to them, and I'm not arguing, it could play like shit for all I know. The tape was released over 19 years ago. Somewhere along the line it might have decided that it didn't want to play properly, I don't know.

My problem isn't so much with the stupid ass customer who is too lazy to just send an email and get a full fucking refund, no questions asked, but rather with Amazon (and the other big boys of multi-seller online retail) who don't make it mandatory for buyers to go through some sort of mediation process before leaving negative feedback or ratings....or whatever the particular site chooses to call their system of rating sellers.

If this buyer had simply emailed with their problem, I would have replaced the tape without question and they would have had a new one in days. If I did not have another in stock, I would simply have refunded their purchase price plus shipping and took a multi-dollar loss on the whole transaction, simply to be a good etailer and keep the customer happy.

Instead, I get to keep the roughly 75 cents I made on the sale while keeping the negative rating that will hurt my products' placement in search results on Amazon. And I'll have to ship like 1000 things on time to get enough bonus points to make up for the negative rating. The customer gave a 2 out of 5 stars for a defect in a product that I did not even produce. I just sold it. My shipping wasn't slow. My shipping wasn't to the wrong address. I shipped what was ordered and it was delivered fast to the customer. Yet instead of the record label, Project 3, getting the negative review, I did. And all the while I'd have been willing to try to make the customer happy,.  ARGH!

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Fuck eBay Buyers, Fuck 'em All

I just got an offer on a piece of jewelry on eBay. 100+ year old gold filled locket with embossed Art Nouveau design. Listed at $24.99. Offer at $15 with a question about how "the plating was holding up." Fine, whatever, a legitimate question in 1997 when listings didn't have pictures and cameras were .5 mega pixels. This is 2013, and my 14 mp camera is shit. eBay suggests pictures that are 1600 pixels wide or bigger. My item is 1 1/4 inches wide in real life. So my enormous eBay picture is at least 10 times the actual size of the piece taken with a 14mp camera with 600 dpi. If you can't tell from a picture that size, the condition, then you are blind and have far greater problems than whether a 100 year old piece of jewelry has  a bit of wear to the plating.

BTW, some wear is clearly evident in all photos.

Also...This was the fourth offer I've received on this piece of jewelry that is 100+ years old, in very good or better condition for $15 or more.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Mailmen Who Scan Packages as Delivered....Then Eat Them

So I have a customer who just emailed that he didn't receive his book that he paid a PENNY for on Amazon a MONTH ago! .....but, he says that the tracking says it was delivered almost a month ago, but he doesn't have it, and he wants me to find out where it is.


You paid a fucking penny for it. After Amazon fees, postage and labor, I might have made 25 cents after I got the shipping credit from Amazon, maybe. Did the customer call the post office or talk to the mailman? No, that would make too much sense. More sense it would make to contact the seller who provided the tracking number, which was scanned like 10 times on its 3000 mile journey to the buyer's door, where the mailman scanned it....and then apparently ate it.

Of course, in the end I'll end up refunding the buyer and eating the shipping and fees and labor, but I'm sick of these people getting packages scanned as "delivered" and then contacting me asking where they are at. It's especially maddening when they KNOW the tracking says it was delivered. In this case the buyer is on the west coast, I'm on the east, what does he think I can possibly do?

Call the post office myself? I could do that, and I used to, but for a penny, it isn't worth my time, and it's an Amazon sale, so it isn't like the shopper is going to come back into my obscure Amazon store and buy more stuff.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Employee Quits.....I Am Now $32,000 Richer for 2013

I recently had an employee quit.

Said employee's wages for 2013 would have been in the $32,000 range, more if you count the cash on the side I would give above her salary for her extra work, the daily lunches I provided, the occasional buffet meal that I would pay for when traveling, the ten five minute smoke breaks a day that I allowed, the hour long lunches,'re looking more in the $35,000+ range.

Good worker, more dedicated than most, pretty conscientious, able to lift 100+ pounds....but hey, $35,000 is a lot of money for one year, so I'm not too upset.

Now she can spend as much time as she wants with her step-grandson. Of course finding another $35,000 a year job with 3+ weeks worth of vacation time in the first 8 months will probably be a challenge for her.

Update September 13: Said employee now works as a clerk at a cash station, opposite shifts as her wife, and now wants to be called a "he." Apparently is undergoing hormone therapy and will have a penis installed as soon as possible. She/he has told customers at the gas station that I'm an asshole (might not be able to deny that) and that she had to quit because she couldn't get time off for your gender reassignment appointments. Well, that's not really the case, because I didn't know anything about any gender reassignment or gender identity disorders when she worked here, and well, I'd probably have encouraged her to do what she wanted in that would have provided us with many lunch hours full of interesting drama.

Here's Your God Damn Penny, Fuck You

Ugh, another Amazon customer who purchased an item for a fucking penny has a problem....imagine that! The Amazon customers who spend $3, or $15 or $99 never seem to have any issues with their merchandise, yet those idiots who pick the lowest priced items seem to have all sorts of issues. Penny items usually net us about 50 cents profit....if you don't count the cost of labor to pull the item from the warehouse and package and ship it.

So some douchebag was upset that the USPS handled his DVD so badly that it came loose from the plastic case and scratched it...a brand new, still sealed DVD. Of course, this is MY fault entirely. I should have just insured the fucking $0.01 item (which costs $.80, making the sale a $.30 loss) and then I could file an insurance claim that will take 15 minutes to do and another 2 weeks to receive credit for.

I'm sorry, but if I bought an item for a penny, and got a box full of shit....I'd be like, "yeah, well, what did I expect for a fucking PENNY!"  But no, these imbeciles on Amazon think that a penny is a gold bar.

The fact that I am venting about this on a blog that no one reads and wasting precious time is very irritating to me. Wasting 2 minutes to complain about an item for a penny though, well that, that would make my fucking head explode. I'm off work though, I put in 14 hour day today, so this is therapy. I would like to know what the person who tries to get a penny refund does for a living that their time is less valuable than that fucking penny. .....perhaps that his their off-hours release as well?

Thursday, December 6, 2012

What Percentage of Amazon Customers are Illiterate?

What percentage of Amazon customers are illiterate?

a) All of them.
b) 50% of them.
c) 1% of them.
d) None of them are illiterate, but about 2% of them are too stupid or lazy to read descriptions or conditions of items and buy solely on the nice pretty stock picture of the item provided.

The closest answer is D!

I'm just glad Amazon sends me these emails from stupid fucking customers that bought a CD, thinking it was a DVD rather than the customer showing up at my brick and mortar store to tell me about the same issue.

I'm afraid I'd have to strangle the dipshit half-way through the explanation of why they bought a CD, when they wanted to watch the movie and not listen to the soundtrack!

When I do something stupid, I want to keep it to myself. I'll beat myself up in my head and vow to never do that stupid thing again, but these morons on Amazon that don't read....they just want there penny back and don't give a rat's ass if the vendor knows that they are a fucking retard.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Evolution of the Web, If You Don't Adapt, You Still Survive

Just a quick rant for this evening...  Checking my Google Adsense stats for the month and noticed that one of my sites wasn't producing much revenue. The site in question is a client's site that is partially ad-supported. I've received basically no revenue from this site within the past two weeks via Adsense. So I did a search on Google for the site.  It's there, indexed and loading fine.

However, it's as ugly as fuck. The client hasn't updated it in awhile, but that's beside the point. When this client signed on, I can remember designing a killer kick-ass site in all html (this was about 6 years ago). It was pretty, functional, simple and direct. The client previewed the site and said that they liked Microsoft Word Art...................fuck. They also had several other "design modifications" that they wanted to make.

So basically they took all my work and ended up throwing it all out except the cool Mid-century background. Fast-forward to 2011, and it sucks royally. It looks like something that the Wayback Machine puked out and then took a shit in a pile of its own vomit. Buuuuttttt, the clients like it and are happy, so all is well.

Technology moves fast. Evolution moves slow. Technological evolution moves at warp speed. Try not to get stuck in 2005. It seems like yesterday, but where the internet is concerned, it might-as-well be 1868.